Shoot The Messenger
by JuubiOokami
Summary: It’s easy to shoot a messenger. But what happens when that messenger is your best friend? And your best friend is lying in a coma because he cared enough to tell you the message? End Season 4, WilsonAmber Wilson/House Friendship. Angst. Possible Spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

**It's easy to shoot a messenger. But what happens when that messenger is your best friend? And your best friend is lying in a coma because he cared enough to tell you the message?**

**Hi guys, this is a little something from me. I just finished watching Season Four of House and I couldn't help but think this was appropriate as well as all the other little House fic's I'm planning. (House addict.)**

**WARNING POSSIBLE SPOILERS!**

**This is from Wilson's point of view after Amber's death when he goes to see House. For now it's a one-shot, but depending on what people think I might add another chapter. Tell me what you think? **

**Warning: Angst, Dark themes, slightly Abstract, slight language.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own, but think is awesome. **

**Enjoy.**

'_I hate you.'_

Do I believe that? As I stare at you lying there. You look wasted, your skin stretched, pasty pale and clammy. You look sick.

You _are_ sick.

So why doesn't that seem to excuse your sins? What you've done…

What you've done?

What have you done?

You tied up her leg when she was bleeding, you were hypnotised, you forced yourself to hallucinate, and you forced yourself to remember until your heart stopped.

Now this. You let your brain be probed with electricity… _electricity! _ So that you could what…?

Do what? Tell me something, save someone that maybe you didn't even care about? Or maybe you did care about her? Maybe it wasn't anything to do with anything … maybe it was just your obsessive need to solve things.

No. You've never risked this much. But tell me, who were you risking it for? What was it for? To tell me that message? To give me the news that…everything was in vain.

You did all that, and I…I can't help but feel this ripping feeling in my stomach every time I look at you.

You went out drinking…you called Amber.

And she came.

And you left.

And she left.

And you got on the bus.

And she got on the bus.

And now you're lying here.

And she's gone.

In what bizarre, twisted way does that work? Are you asking yourself the same question? You who have been in pain for years, who is always miserable, who hates everything…are you asking yourself why you didn't die instead?

Would I have preferred that?

No, the thought makes me feel even worse! No matter how much the very look of you makes me feel sick…to think of you as dead…

I…

Would I prefer it?

No.

If you took Amber's place? As fate probably had planned, as fate would have done unless your contract with the devil didn't save you.

…No.

You didn't want it either. You're not that cold hearted bastard that you pretend to be… you're just very good at pretending. To good at pretending.

How much of me actually got convinced?

You who can cure the incurable, you who have saved so many who were already left for dead…but when it finally came down to it…one fine, minor detail flipped everything from possibility to impossibility. And impossibility in your books…that's…

Ambers dead.

I came to tell you that but you're still asleep. Cuddy's holding your hand, did you wake up?

You know we woke Amber up? And I lay with her and held her as she died.

You did everything you could, and then you went that step further and did the things that you knew you couldn't…

The things your body couldn't take, and now…now you look like death warmed over.

_You_ did everything, you respected my wishes…my irrational wishes but also did what you're so famous at doing.

Being the famous doctor House. Running around between the lines of law and insanity just to answer a puzzle, only this time you've been to a place you never went to before.

Compassion.

I'm sorry.

You never did anything but be yourself, you usual selfish self-loathing egotistical genius self, you didn't tell Amber to come and get you, you didn't make her get on the bus. Technically you saved her, you tied up her leg, and if that had been the only thing in the matter you would have kept her alive…

Flu pills. The minor detail.

And it was nothing to do with you.

I watch as your eyes steadily open, flickering around the room as sad recognition dawns in them. You recognise the scene, the characters, and the story of this play.

Amber's dead. Exit stage right. Famous Doctor House wakes from his coma, and Faithful Best Friend Wilson enters Stage Left to forgive him, pity him, care for him…and pour out his soul to him.

Your eyes catch mine, and you watch, holding your breath, waiting for something… anger…tears…something.

Not this. Not this blank face. You can't deal with blank faces, because that's what you see in the mirror every time you look at who you are.

Ambers dead.

How else am I supposed to react? What did I blink and miss?

What if I hadn't been in the hospital?

What if I hadn't let her buy those pills?

What if I had picked up my phone and gone to see you?

What if you had never gone out drinking at all?  
I leave. I can't stand to stare at you…don't look so injured, for God sake please. Don't look like you expected it, like your deserve it, don't add it to your pile for self hate.

It's not you House.

It's me.

I want to shoot the messenger. The messenger who told me the only woman I have ever really loved was going to die, and that it was inevitable.

I want to shoot the messenger so bad, because what else am I suppose to do? Who do I throw my rage at, my anger? Who can I blame for this? You? God? Fate? Amber? Me?

Who's fault is it that life is…so…black.

Don't hate yourself House. Don't. Please.

I'm the one in the wrong, I'm the one who can't vent this anger…who knows that you won't let me vent this anger unless I do it in secret…

Because I want to shoot the messenger. The messenger who's going to tell of Amber's death.

Unfortunately…

That's me.

And I know you would never ever let me do that.

**Hope you enjoy! Leave a review, and tell me if you want me to continue or not?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Heya! Another update from me as several people wanted me to continue with the story. **

**This next chapter is from House's point of view, so I hope you all enjoy!**

**Thanks to all my reviewers -**

**Kizmet, DXRULES103, Perentie Fan, Fahrenheit451, limptulip and yellowNight. You guys are awesome!**

**Enjoy;**

'_He hates me…'_

Do I believe that? I blink at the thought, it sounds seriously wrong. I mean, I've tortured him, I've abused him, made his life a living hell but…

He'd never_ hate_ me right…?

No.

He's never_ hated _me, but this changes everything.

I deserve it, is some sick twisted way, I know I do. For what I've done…

What I've done?

What did I do?

I tied up her leg when she was bleeding, I was hypnotised, I forced myself to hallucinate, and I forced myself to remember until I had a hear attack.

Then…I prodded my own brain with electricity…and from there I don't remember.

Self pity…

Now that is pathetic, but it's a bit of a change I think, a nice difference from hating my own existence.

But that doesn't justify me. It's still pathetic.

At the end of the day I did everything I could, I can tell myself that,…but it just doesn't make me feel any better at all. Maybe I should have…

Ah, what the hell else was I supposed to do? Not go out drinking? How was I supposed to know that Amber would come, that she would get on a bus and the bus would…

Ow. That hurt, a painful throb through my head, maybe as a reminded that I was on the bus too. Thank you God, you've really played your hand out well this time you asshole.

I hope you burn in hell you selfish hypocrite, because you can't go around preaching about love and forgiveness when you're going to rip a young woman's life away in the stead of mine. She who loved, who had such potential, who cared so much…

And Me…Well, God, you already have a personal vendetta against me don't you? Is this extra punishment?

Would death have been a release?

Jeez, what am I even thinking? God? Release? There is nothing. Amber is dead. I know that, because all it took was one look at Wilson…and…I knew.

Amber was dead.

And unless there is some rare disease of the same name that I don't know about, which would be highly unlikely as I know every disease that has ever plagued man kind, then it can only mean one thing.

Death; A common disease that all will suffer. Symptoms; You stop breathing, you're heart stops beating, your brain stops functioning. When all three stages of symptoms are complete then it's all over. Game over. You loose.

You loose?

Does death count as loosing?

I would have thought it was more you winning and everyone else loosing…but then, I guess it's really about who you are.

If I died, would it have been a win for me, or a loose?

A win.

Who would miss me?

Cuddy's hand suddenly tightens against my own, and I feel this stab…of guilt? I don't know…

Her eyes are open and she's looking at me with this soft soppy doey look, still half asleep, worried, and motherly.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

And I feel it again. That stab.

It's sadness, I know.

I don't want to die.

Not because I'm afraid, not because I give a damn about life but because…I'm truly sorry for the woman who has sat beside me ever since I opened my eyes the first time, and the guy who just left me.

Because I'm sorry I messed up so much.

And I'm sorry for even considering making anyone else feel the pain that I understand…of loss.

"House?"

She leans into me, her eyes suddenly truly concerned and I realise it's because I'm shaking…quite badly actually. Like I'm cold, really cold.

And I can't help myself as she comes in, I raise both my arms, it takes one hell of an effort, and I take hold of her shoulders and pull her into me.

She's taken by surprise and is forced in at a strange angle, her body pressed awkwardly against mine. But I don't let go, I don't care if it feel uncomfortable, I just don't want her to see my face so I bury it in her shoulder and take in a shaking breath.

She's stiff against me, she doesn't know what to do. Then she loosens, and hugs back and I can't help myself.

I sob.

Pathetic.

Like my self pity.

Pathetic.

Well, at least I can feel her breast against my chest…

Pathetic, isn't it?

"House?" She whispers into my hair, and I stop sobbing, letting her rock me gently.

Now I'm uncomfortable.

Because I know I look both pathetic and pitiful.

And because I hurt now. Everywhere, my whole body.

"You stink." I finally say.

Well, I say 'say', it's more a gasp, my throat kills, I need some water.

And I'm tired.

I hear her give a nervous laugh as I release her and fall back against the pillow, my eyes instantly closing so I don't have to look at her.

I know it doesn't work, but it's nice pretending that if I can't see her she won't see me. I feel like an idiot.

I _am_ an idiot.

"House?"

"Sorry." I say, or…try to say.

She stays silent, and I don't talk.

I can't.

Wilson's face is swimming in-front of my eyes.

My Best friend.

My best friend hates me.

I killed the woman he loves. I know that in some unpreventable, sick, twisted way that I did.

The woman he loves…loved?

Which one do I use? She's dead so does it count as him still loving her if she isn't even alive?

But loved…that sounds so…

Like he's over her.

Ambers dead.

I told him that.

He came to shoot the messenger…

She's dead.

Shoot the messenger?

Ambers dead.

He told me that. He told me with a look, with one look he told me everything.

Ambers dead.

He told me that.

He's gone to shoot the messenger.

"…Cuddy." I choke out. My throat burns, my eyes are heavy, my head is pounding.

"Shhh, don't talk. Rest, it's ok."

"Go…" I try, swallow dryness, and try again. "Go and find…Wilson…now…"

"What?"

"Go…. and find him…"

I can't stress my voice the amount I want. It's so important.

He's gone to shoot the messenger.

And I can't move.

He's gone to…

"Cuddy...Find Wilson now."

I have to save him. I couldn't save Amber, but I have to save Wilson.

He's gone to shoot the messenger.

And I have to save him.

**Leave a review, and I will continue if you wish. (Though, it will differ from Season 5 story line if I do.)**

**Thanks!**


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